Friday, December 3, 2010

Fiesty Friday! Brought to you by Vicodin.

Things are going well.  Tsarina brought me the mostly lovely bouquet (albeit slightly squished, but still wonderful).  I'm all healed now, and I think I may have seen the nurse from the Harry Potter books at one point in time, but it's been quite an exciting couple weeks.  Lucy bought me an Etch-A-Sketch, that minx.

Be safe out there this weekend!  The bout of Sass is on it's way out, but it might be lingering in a corner if you aren't prepared.

Not to Worry

We know you all were terribly worried at our absence, and we are glad you missed us. Do not be alarmed, however, we were merely unwell for a short period of time. We had a sudden attack of sass, you see. It came out of nowhere and just hit us like a truck, or a large quadruped. Quite dreadful, as we were only capable of lying about, quipping at everyone and everything. Luckily, there were no foreign dignitaries visiting, therefore my realm did not suffer because of my unwellness.

Fare thee well for another week,

Supreme BitchQueen of the Universe, Femnazi Extraordinairre.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Can't stay long

It's dreadful. We are only able to stop for a moment to tell you we can't stop - you see, we sneezed during a trade meeting with the next universe over and when we sneezed our hands flailed in such a way that the trade ambassadors were highly offended. They declared war on the spot. This is bad. WE NEED OUR POLYGLOT WHERE IS OUR POLYGLOT? BRING THE KOREAN AMBASSADOR TOO, MAYBE SHE HAS DIPLOMACY INSIGHTS HURRY! Padisha can knit me a hat so I don't get cold.

harried and worried (and hurried)
Jenna, Supreme BitchQueen of the Universe and Femnazi Extraordinaire

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

In Which Her Imperial Awesomeness is Accepting Applications

Dearly beloved subjects, we are here today to join you together with the knowledge that we are feeling our solitude a bit keenly. Therefore, we are searching for a consort! We have all the typical criteria: attractive, healthy, not brainwashed to assassinate us in our sleep, quick-witted, intelligent, and possessed of no ambition whatsoever. We want a man that looks pretty, talks nice, doesn't get all stabby with the knives at dinner, and will not attempt to take our throne. If you or anyone you know fits the profile, contact us! We will conduct interviews, and contrary to earlier such searches, we will not execute unworthy applicants. What can we say, we are feeling saucy.

Sincerely, Supreme BitchQueen of the Universe, Femnazi Extraordinairre, Gracious Tyrant, Wildcat in the bedroom, etc. etc.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

In Which Her Gracious Majesty Separates The Combatants

We arrived in time to hear what could be the start of a disturbance between our most honorable Duchess of Adorable Puppy Eyes and our celebrated Padisha Boom Boom, Friend To Cats. While we understand that we must have diversity in our Corset Mafia, and furthermore we understand that our Duchess of Puppy Eyes cannot always control the facets of her, shall we say, animal nature, and our Friend To Cats is marked by her affection for the very creatures the Duchess is instinctively against, we must have peace. We cannot bring peace to our peoples if we have not peace within our own house. We are, therefore, calling for a preemptive cease-fire on the possible hostilities that may or may not arise. That is an official order.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Frightening Friday

Gotta be quick today.  I had a nasty bug bite on my back that I asked Tsarina Dinosauress Amy to scratch about an hour ago.  Since I'm person-sized and she's t-rex-sized, her front arms couldn't reach, so she lifted up her foot.  I know it wasn't her intention, but I'm in the ambulance as we speak and they say this concussion and broken leg should be fixed in a jiffy.  The ambulance man has been ever so kind to supply itching cream to my back.

Oh, brb, they're pulling me out of the ambulance and yelling at me for using my laptop.

No apology necessary.

If we were a person of lesser importance, we would apologize for not posting on our designated day. But we are not that person so you can just shush and meditate on our awesomeness while you wait for words like pearls to drop from our lips. Except then you would wonder why we had a mouthful of pearls in the first place, and why we would attempt to speak with a mouthful of hardened oyster mucous, and would the pearls not be coated in our royal saliva and therefore be rendered drippy and sticky and disgusting? And after all this ruminating, yours on our pearl conundrum, and ours on . . .well, pearls in our royal mouth, you would forget what we had tried to tell you while we had said mouthful of pearls, and we would therefore be upset at your dreadful display of distraction whilst WE were talking. So we are not going to say anything. Because you were very rude to us. But we are forgiving, and perhaps by next week we would be willing to speak to you again.

Until then, we remain,
Jenna, Supreme BitchQueen of the Universe and Femnazi Extraordinaire.